square peg.

2004-06-15T21:56:00.000-04:00

So it has been two-some-odd years since I last updated this thing. I've been doing the Livejournal thing quite frequently, and I greatly enjoy the convienence.

I read the blog today because I wanted to think about my past and how much I have changed. It's strange how... I'm still the same person as I was then, as a giddy 16-year-old. While I was writing the blog, I was learning who I was and trying to come to terms with my life.

At my core, I am still the same person. I still like a lot of the same things. I still think about a lot of the same people. Even if I've lost contact with basically all of them. I have come to realize that they were all important parts in shaping who I am today and who I was then.

What seems like the theme running through the blog is a lot of loss. Gerry's death hit me hard. I think of him daily. Losing Chris' friendship hit me equally hard. It took me until recently to really get over it. I realize now that I loved him, and even after things took a turn for the truly bad I still loved him, and I just couldn't let go. As a friend of mine on Livejournal said:
"...you never get over being in love. If you're truly in love, it never leaves you. You just get to a point where it doesn't bug you so much, this point where you stop wondering why you laid awake so many nights over that person and why them holding your hand meant so much. And you start going, Hey, at least I got to have that. At least for a little while."

I left my mother's house. I went to a different school. I met new people. I fell for a young man who may not bend over backwards for me, but who respects me more than many people I have known in the past. It took that to get over all the pain I had endured in the past. There are some things I may never fully get over, but I am starting to replace all that sadness, all that anger, all that negativity with good things. I'm starting to see my new life through a new set of eyes. While I am not always happy with what I see, and while I still experience a lot of the same bad feelings as I did when I was younger, I am considerably happier.

I have gotten everything I wanted then. I graduated high school. I moved out of my mother's house. I have a car. I have a license. I have friends who love me for who I am, not what I do for them. I am starting to heal.

I guess that's all I can say about that.

2002-09-27T16:23:00.000-04:00

weather like this makes me want to go like i'll take a quiet life a handshake some carbon monoxide with no alarms and no suprises please

2002-08-14T18:23:00.000-04:00

yep... totally defected to LJ. i love matt good.

2002-07-13T04:28:00.000-04:00

they'll lay me on the dinner table, i will be the pig
with the apple in your mouth, the food that celebrates your hell

and at your funeral
i will sing the requiem

2002-06-01T01:37:00.000-04:00

blah. where are my posts?

2002-05-20T20:28:00.000-04:00

if anyone wants to see my wrecked car, they can do so here

2002-05-13T16:25:00.000-04:00

nutt26: is a three-inch dick a bad thing?
SmarterChild: Is a three-inch dick a bad thing? Who knows?

2002-04-17T00:42:00.000-04:00

my schedule for the next few months:
april 20, protest in boston. also, national stoner day. i'll probably be the sober babysitter.
april 27, sarah's prom. i'll probably be at bickford's all alone.
may 2, just another shitty day, four years since the whole bad thing with mom and dad. i'll end up working and not thinking about how my family is so torn apart.
may 16, breadloaf conference begins. can't go because i went last year, although i would totally go again.
may 17, GDRHS prom. not going.
june 1, graduation ceremony. will go to gawk and wish i could be part of it one day.
wow. self-loathing.

2002-04-12T07:14:00.000-04:00

as of right now, i am the only person online who is not a machine of some sort.

2002-04-10T04:03:00.000-04:00

src="http://mecha.raitaro.com/snlquiz/loserpics/victoria.gif"
width="229" height="106" border="0">
http://mecha.raitaro.com/snlquiz/">Which SNL Loser are *YOU*?

2002-04-10T03:55:00.000-04:00

the time is 3.56 am and i am still awake.

2002-04-10T00:21:00.000-04:00

Don't allow someone to turn you into his or her scapegoat. You've worked hard to get where you are. You may have to defend yourself so be prepared to do just that. You can win in the end.

2002-04-10T00:18:00.000-04:00

A career or housing concern may annoy or upset you today. Don't make too much out of this -- you have better things to do with your time and resources. Move away from petty problems and concentrate on a workable plan that is sure to improve your circumstances and self esteem.
Avoid sneaky saboteurs or trouble makers -- who needs the grief? Focus on what YOU CAN DO to manifest happiness, security, and satisfaction -- and allow others to fiddle with their own karma.

2002-04-08T21:43:00.003-04:00

it has just occured to me that this puts things in reverse chronological order

2002-04-08T21:43:00.002-04:00

i feel my luck could change

2002-04-08T21:43:00.001-04:00

it's gonna be a glorious day

2002-04-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

the head of state has called for me by name, but i don't have time for him

2002-04-08T21:40:00.002-04:00

PULL ME OUT OF THE AIRCRASH... PULL ME OUT OF THE LAKE... 'CAUSE I'M YOUR SUPERHERO... WE ARE STANDING ON THE EDGE...

2002-04-08T21:40:00.001-04:00

sarah, kill me again with love... it's gonna be a glorious day

2002-04-08T21:40:00.000-04:00

kill me

2002-04-04T23:58:00.000-05:00

my pen name would be "neoclassical nowhere nobody". geez, gives me a good outlook on life.

2002-04-04T15:48:00.000-05:00

i'm so sorry, i've been so gone with stuff i'm not doing... i love all you guys except those i don't, and even then i probably don't love you because i'm too busy having intense liking for you...

2002-03-31T04:57:00.000-05:00

i am dying of a sinus infection that's spread to my chest and sarah howard gets to see ben folds. tell me again when this is fair.

2002-03-28T21:31:00.000-05:00

i'm evil. i've bounced to livejournal. i still use blog. like now. anyhow, check it out, http://www.livejournal.com/users/escalatorguru

2002-03-23T17:30:00.000-05:00

01. fallen for your best friend?: yep
02. made out with JUST a friend?: he was just a friend, until then. and now, we don't know where we stand, moral of the story, it's a bad idea.
03. been rejected?: sort of. but in retrospect, i rejected him too.
04. been in love?: my definition of love changes from person to person. my current "better than friend" friend, i can't say i'm in love with him. there was a time i thought i loved chris, but i had to redefine what love really is to me.
05. been in lust?: yeah. friday nights at bickfords.
06. used someone?: not intentionally. i hope not.
07. been used?: all the time! ben, chris, sometimes i think dan, my sisters, everyone except a select few have used me. some of my best friendships started out with us just using each other.
08. cheated on someone?: i haven't cheated on a partner.
09. been cheated on? i don't know. i think so.
10. been kissed?: who hasn't? yeah, i have. sometimes with seatbelts sticking in my back, sometimes with an ice maker grinding into my shoulder.
11. done something you regret?: daily i do something i regret.
Who was the last person..
12. you touched? i smacked dave on the shoulder.
13. you talked to? mummy
14. you hugged? was it val, dan, dave, or mike? no, it was lucy the waitress. no.. i'm a whore.
15. you instant messaged? breakfast waffle. whoever that is.
16. you kissed? dan.
17. you had sex with? hahahaha. it wasn't dan, it wasn't chris. technically i still consider myself a shiny little virgin, though i'm not.
18. you yelled at? yelled, or just talked loudly to? dave. well, he broke my frickin' car.
19. you laughed with? myself, 3am
20. you had a crush on? ed norton
21. who broke your heart? oooh.... refer to the list of people who have used me, and refer to my definition of love...

Do you...
22. color your hair? i did just today.
23. have tattoos? no, but i want a goldfish, like my breadloaf roommate (or was it my tammarach buddy? who knows)... her name was kate and she had a goldfish on her stomach... i want one.
24. have piercings? eleven. ears only. nose coming october 9.
25. have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? no.
26. floss daily? no... i'm horrible.
27. own a webcam? no
28. have aol? Hell no!

29-56. have been deleted by another participant along the way. joy!!

57. what are you doing? masturbating and eating corn chips.
58. what are you listening to? Sponge
59. can you do anything freakish with your body? i can answer my shoe phone while it's still on my foot
60. chicken or fish? eating, it's chicken. cooking, it's fish (you can do much more with it)
61. do you have a favorite animal, no matter how lame it may be? yeah. i'm a big emu fan.
62. is ice cream the best thing in the world? yeah. no. stop asking.

ooh! another one! i'm killing time while my mom is on the phone.

1. First Name: alison
2. Hair Color: finally... my natural color, oldschool brown.
3. Middle Name: marie ellen
4. Hair Style: today it's gidget flipped....
5. Eye Color: gray like
6. Height: 5'5" (lies lies lies!)
7. Birthday: 10.09.84
8. Zodiac Sign: Libra
9. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: Not per se.
10. Do you have a crush: it's not a crush if it's a mutual denied feeling.
Favorites
1. Favorite Animal: the emu amazes me, but i'm a big fan of the garden variety fire hydrant
2. Favorite Sport: underwater basket weaving
3. Favorite Color(s): blue, the right kind of green, and various shades of brown
4. Favorite Friend(s): bollocks! i can't pick a favorite. each of my friends have their own unique qualities which is why i admire them greatly in the first place.
5. Favorite Song(s): Talk Show Host- radiohead... karma police, also radiohead, no, bad question...
6. Favorite Movie Quote: "mrs. robinson, you're trying to seduce me!"
7. Favorite Store: i hate to say this... but i'm serious... urban outfitters in harvard square... i never buy anything but look at it!
8. Favorite Feeling: the "moment of zen" feeling. contentment.
9. Favorite Shoe: worn out fake birkenstocks
10. Favorite Scent: whatever the guy perfume dave wears is.

Relationships
1. Do You Wear Make-Up: … no. chap stick when necessary
2. Which is more important, personality or looks: personality... but looks are still kind of important
3. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl: i don't know... i can't decide
4. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship: it depends on the relationship
5. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl: perfection is bullshit
6. Would you ever ask someone out: yeah, i've done it before
7. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes: it doesn't matter, but bleach blond guys make me a little (meerp)
8. What is the first thing you notice about someone: their hands and the manner in which they carry themselves
9. When's the last time you cried: choking on clove smoke at bickford's
10. What do you want to be when you grow up: anything. so long as i stay myself.
11. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: not intentionally. as far ask i know, i think they're all alive when i sleep with them
12. How far have you gotten: refer to the last quiz
13. Do you like someone right now: yeah.
14. Do you have a best friend: i don't know. maybe.
In the last 24 hours, have you...
1. Had a serious talk: last 24 hours? not quite
2. Hugged someone: yeah
3. Gotten along well with your parents: sort of
4. Fought with a friend: not like "i hate you!" but "you're a jackoff!"
Do you like to...
1. Do you like to give hugs: yeah
2. Give back rubs: no, yeah.
3. Take walks in the rain: yes
4. You ever have that falling dream: yep, assuming i achieve REM sleep
5. What is on the walls of your room: i'm renovating, don't ask
6. Do you use chap stick: yes. oh yes.

In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink: yeah.
2. Smoke:yeah. sorry meg.
3. Drugs: no
4. Have Sex: no. almost.
5. Made Out: yeah…
6. Go on a date: not per se
7. Go to the mall: yeah
8. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: dude, i was on my period, ok?
9. Eaten sushi: no. that's so gross.
10. Been on stage: no
11. Been dumped: no
12. Had someone unfaithful to you? no
13. Watched The Smurfs: no
14. Hiked a mountain: i've never done that.
15. Made homemade cookies? no
16. Been in love: see the last survey

More stuff.
1. Are you popular: define popular. a lot of people know who i am, but not everyone likes me.
2. Are you pretty:in an unconventional marilyn monroe sort of way, yes.
3. What is your favorite word to say: defenestration, or "fuckshit!"
4. What is your favorite phrase to say: good little car, good little car... or even better, "fuck you lou!"
5. What are you doing right now: typing
6. What song are you listening to: the pixies- "where is my mind"
7. What are you wearing: my trademark corduroys and that backwards gap shirt.
Preferences-pick.
1. Cold or hot: cold
2. Lace or satin: neither, they make me feel cheap
3. Blue or Red: blue
5. Rain or snow: both are kosher so long as it's not the kind of snow i have to drive in. if i'm home and can stand outside and listen to the snow soak up all the sound.... or if it's hard, cold rain on a hot day...
6. Give or receive: give
7. Wool or cotton: cotton
8. Rose or Daisy: daisy
9. Private school or public school: neither. i'm an unschooler
10. Chocolate milk or plain milk: soy
11. Celsius or Fahrenheit: neither
12. Spring or Fall: fall
13. Inny or outty: what?
14. Now or then: how soon is now?
15. How many fingers am I holding up: depends on the cop
16. Scent: didn't i just answer this one?
17. English or Math: English
18. Bath or shower: shower... bath makes me all like girly. and baths are not healthy for women anyhow, the soaps and such cause UTIs, vaginal infections, even infertility.
19. Bedtime phrase: fuck off, i'm sleeping
20. Self-stick or lick: hahaha
21. Cursive or print: used to be cursive but my all-caps printing looks groovy
22. Do you like surprises: not always
23. Paranoid or Cautious: a healthy balance of paranoia first, run by caution
24. Heights or Crowds: crowds, because the panic attacks they give me are less severe
25. Half-full or half-empty: this is impossible, don't make me explain it
26. Top or bottom: depends on where you start.
27. Do you/Would you dye your hair: i did today, actually
28. Speeding or running red lights: speeding while running through a red light
29. Gold or silver: silver
30. Bad habits: haha
31. Piercing: love it
32. "Maybe" or "Mebbe": neither
33. What do you wish you'd done: if you really want to know, ask and i'll tell you.
34. Fetish: imagination
35. Do you have one of THOSE voices: no... but i make funny noises.
36. Jammies or naked: jammies if lounging around or at breakfast. other than that...
37. Do you talk to yourself: yeah, i'm a good listener if no one else wants to hear it

2002-03-23T16:34:00.000-05:00

current music: "talk show host"- radiohead

this page needs to turn black and white. i am in mourning. deepest mourning (at least until tuesday).

allow me to explain.

last night was bickford's night, with val and kerrie. first i had to get gas, and i stopped at mr. mike's... not knowing that wes would be there. he waited until my sister got out of the store to say something like "let's try again tomorrow night", i don't know if i've told that story, but when you come out of the bathroom and find wes in his underwear holding a box of condoms... you get where it goes. anyhow, we waited at val's house for dan to call (he'd gone to boston with dave, and then he went to phil's house, and we called everyone to find him-- dan's house, dave's house, and every martin in the phone book). on the way this limo almost hit us (we could tell the driver was a real asshole). so i honked at him, someone flipped him off, and went on our merry way. i was letting out the clutch to make a left turn onto rt. 3 when the guy passes me on the left. so once again horns, and he's frickin' flying on 113. it's all i can do to catch up to him. i caught him at the junction of 113 and 3A, and he was going over the bridge toward lowell. and val said, "what the fuck? turn on your high beams and follow him." so i did. he pulled over like he was letting us pass, and just as i let out the clutch to go, he pulled out and wailed on the brakes. what the fuck, right? so i'm trying to get his license plate and shit, and we chase him halfway from tyngsboro on 113 to rt 40 in lowell... and i'm thinking, what the fuck? we're all gonna die, and my car can't handle this heavy duty bullshit.
i claimed defeat and headed back on 113 to rt 3 again. anyone living in new england knows this is torture. we get off at exit 1, which is closer to bickfords than the last mass. exit, so yeah. and we were heading down spit brook road (quelle charming) when i throw another manic episode, honking, driving fast, dragracing someone's oldschool acura. wow, i'm cool. we get into bickfords and i'm a real bitch to erick, who is my favorite waiter of all time, and i felt really bad and apologized a million over, blah blah blah. this is where things start to get fucked.
i hear a tap on the window.
it's dan.
i got rid of the food and started on a fourth cup of coffee. i made it a point to be smoking when they walked in because dave disapproves.
dave eventually came by to say hello and plunked himself at the booth closest to ours. joy. (no really... i wanted to see dave)...
we went outside so i could show off my car, and he was offendedimpressed by the bumper sticker collection, blah blah blah. we blew a clove, and then another, and went back in. dave said something about being proud of my sobriety however temporary it may be.
dan was talking to mike about his relationship with meaghan, and he said, "dude, you gotta shit or get off the pot. it's not cool, playing with her like that. make up your mind." i took another drag off phil's british cigarettes and gave dan The Look. his response was "whatev", just like that. "whatev". ha! sorry, honey, but you don't tell me you love me one day and the next day have nothing to say. i think he should just fuck off sometimes. granted he's a great kid and all, but, please. i think it's funny though that i delivered that same spiel to him, just change all the "hers" to "me".
we had our fun and eventually we had to leave. the plan was to bring val home, then drop dave and dan off at phil's house to pick up dave's car, dan would get his stuff and i'd bring him home. the plan that came to fruition was much different.
my car idles out sometimes, and with five people in it, the back end drags. so we got that going on, that's cool, i can handle it. we get to val's house and her father says to call my mother because she's got something to say.
i'm not allowed to drive home. mr. glod will take us.
what?
dave volunteered to drive my car. don't get me wrong. i like dave. he's a good kid. but he's also horrible at following directions. he's never driven a stick, so i just told him when to clutch, and i ran the gears. the first thing i told him was where all the necessary controls were, and the second thing i told him was where the ignition is. the third and most important thing i told him was do not touch the e-brake under any circumstances.
we made it back to 113, which was big progress. then dave decided he wanted me to drive. this meant...
pulling up the emergency brake. and he did. and it froze there.
dan, dave, mr. glod and i rocked my car far enough off the road to get it to a point where it wouldn't be totally hit, just partially. in the process i heard something snap, but at that point (nearly 2 AM) i really didn't care. we turned on my flashers and were gone.
i get home. my mother is pissed. the police towed my car and it will cost (gasp shock) a hundred bucks to get him back.
my car went to jail?
i called dan this morning and told him what happened. i scraped up the money, then called dave to play all like "dave, my car was towed and i really need your help (snif snif) after all you broke it, you evil bastard! great, i'll see you in ten minutes" but he wasn't home. i left him a message.
we picked up my car and dropped it off at my dad's house. he's going to fix the e-brake, but the biggest problem, has yet to even be discovered...
my right back tire is angled inward from the top.
there is no diagnosis, and therefore, no cure. i saw it and i thought, bent axle?! ball joint?! firey crash?! and then i though... "death to burkus..."
i'm still waiting for dave to call back. i'm still waiting to figure out what's wrong with my wheel. hopefully it's something simple that can be fixed.

goodness. nothing ever works.

2002-03-21T15:49:00.000-05:00

check this, a movie starring ali? yeah. a movie starring ali passing out after driving really fast... this will rock. more info as it becomes available.

2002-03-20T22:41:00.000-05:00

my god. i hate snow. i hate bickfords at 4 pm. i hate the fact that my friends continue to die, that i stop breating 36 times an hour, and that sarah howard gets to go to california and see ben folds. tell me when life becomes fair.

2002-03-18T23:04:00.000-05:00

i can die happy now...

TheClashBaby: can i tell u something first
nutt26: before we go... or now?
nutt26: but, yeah
TheClashBaby: wait lol its not what u think imgonna say dude
TheClashBaby: just let me tell u cuz u will b happy
TheClashBaby: i just want to tell u that i have so much respect for oyu and that im so happy we're friends because i've always wanted to be like u ali and that everybody has respect for you, they dont dare slander you to ur face or even to friends of urs because they are intimidated, they know to respect you and i just really admire that.

2002-03-18T22:41:00.000-05:00

You reach the end of your rope in a financial or control matter and are tempted to stomp away in a huff or hunker into bunker mode. Either extreme works against you, as usual. As a Libran, you know the wisdom of maintaining balance, so why tilt excessively in either direction?
If you force the issue today, because you're angry, frustrated, or tired, you could face extreme retaliation -- something you're unprepared for. FYI: It's never smart to play chicken with an unknown quantity.

2002-03-18T21:34:00.001-05:00

by the way, i have sleep apnea and stop breathing 36 times an hour. sarah gets to go see ben folds in california. tell me what's wrong with this picture?

2002-03-18T21:34:00.000-05:00

http://www.shokraw.com/angelina/lisa.jpg">
Which Angelina Are You?
dude, i can't get away from all these "crazy" people.

2002-03-18T21:31:00.000-05:00

http://www.shokraw.com/noner/susanna.jpg">
Which Winona Are You?

2002-03-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

R
You are restricted. Well done, you're now
practically adult in nature, and plus, you
get to see nudity - have fun.

"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.

2002-03-17T21:11:00.000-05:00

TABLE BORDER=0>
Love me or hate me. I taste like Marmite.

I am salty and sharp. My abrasive edge greatly upsets some people, but others will gleefully endure it. For those willing to put up with me, I am a great source of emotional health and stability. What Flavour Are You?

2002-03-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

best song ever? "hey now!" by oasis. i love this song more than life itself. "i thought that i heard someone say now, hey now, hey now..."

2002-03-13T23:24:00.000-05:00

life is so boring

2002-03-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

I hurt: everyone i can, not because i don't love them, but because they let me
. I love: my friends, and the idea of true love
. I hate: inequality, injustice, inbreeding
. I cry: because i can
. I fear: growing up
. I hope: to live forever
. I sadden: often.
. I feel alone: and go to sleep anyhow.
. I kill: squirrels and the irrational thoughts of others.
. I talk: to myself, to anyone who will listen
. I listen: to everything at least once
. I break: barriers and shatter stereotypes (well, i like to pretend).
. I see: only what i want to.
. I smell: true love and burning rubber.
. I taste: with my tastebuds.
. I work: only if i have to.
. I remember: only if i have to.
. I hold: these truths to be self evident.
. I hide: every time i'm seen.
. I pray: when buildings crumble.
. I walk: ten miles a day through winding aisles of my store.
. I drive: always.
. I read: anything.
. I burn: anything on hand.
. I breathe: i actually stop breathing in my sleep...
. I play: to stay sane, happy, interesting, and intelligent.
. I miss: old jobs and loves.
. I touch: anything i can.
. I learn: through experience.
. I feel: needy.
. I know: that I need love.
. I said: i promise sandanista was the clash... i promise i won't do that... promise me you won't...
. I dream: during REM sleep.
. I have: been very lucky.
. I want: nothing
. I fall: when i'm drunk or wearing the wrong shoes.
. I wait: for nothing.
. I need: nothing material, everything spiritual
. I live: because my parents make me

2002-03-11T23:21:00.000-05:00

this is my horoscope for the day. the weekend's horoscope turned out to be so true... and so did today's. ellegirlbuddy really has this shit nailed.

Reality and facts continue to stack up around you, particularly regarding one issue. This may concern a job, health, or lifestyle matter -- or it could be something entirely different. You know precisely what it is and recognize that the time has come to make a decision.
Remaining in suspended animation is a frustrating and deadening way for you to exist. Be brave and courageous instead of fearful. Expert advisors have freely offered excellent guidance, but even the best advice has no value if it's avoided. FYI: Life is better on the other side of your dilemma.

2002-03-09T01:55:00.000-05:00

this is my horoscope for the weekend.

Friday is rejuvenating. You feel refreshed and ready for a brand new obsession. Once you've wrapped up some lingering unfinished business, you'll be cleared for takeoff. A new passion consumes you.
Because you're able to recognize potential and are ignited by tasty challenges, you're poised and prepped for a brilliant fresh start. This weekend may offer an important turning point capable of positively impacting your future.
Saturday is all systems go most of the day with only one stumbling block by early evening. A misunderstanding over money, property, or control may erupt. This probably isn't anything new -- just a continuation of a familiar but bothersome story.
It may fall upon you to decide whether to prolong a debate or resolve it. Sunday morning is ideal for private intimate moments -- nothing high stress or abrupt. Take your time and take it easy.

ducky... fuck intuition. gooo horoscope!

2002-03-07T12:13:00.001-05:00

there's nothing to do, nowhere to go, i don't have my car so i can't do fucking anything. this is so lame. all i can do is sit around and eat.

2002-03-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

this is so boring

2002-03-06T22:29:00.000-05:00

nutt26: i'd never have sex with thom yorke.
nutt26: i lack the confidence to fuck rock stars.
cynic84: yeah, you don't know where they've been.
nutt26: yeah.

2002-03-06T22:27:00.000-05:00

cynic84: and of course, you're not going to say "hey, i'm fucking the band director" even if you are.
nutt26: right.
nutt26: sarah...
nutt26: i'm fucking the band director.
cynic84: ?
nutt26: !

2002-03-06T21:38:00.000-05:00

amazon has a ton of radiohead stuff. where to begin?? how about clearing up my credit card debt...

2002-03-06T20:39:00.000-05:00

my new favorite toy is ElleGirlBuddy.

2002-03-05T23:34:00.000-05:00

nutt26: i've been told that i need to find a fuck buddy.
nutt26: sarah...
nutt26: please don't be my fuck buddy.
cynic84: no.
cynic84: ok.

2002-03-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

current music: "the amazing sounds of orgy"- radiohead

dude, CD burning rocks.

so as of late i have noticed that things are incredibly strange with newpeople. newpeople was with me when vickki was all like "yeah, i'm having a baby" and got to play shrink while i forcefed frenchfries to newpeople... and now newpeople doesn't have much to say. neither do i and that's probably why but what the fuck. it's like that scene in trainspotting when allison's baby dies and they all stand around until sick boy yells "fuckin' say something, mark!!" and he does... but he only tells them he's going to go do drugs now. it's like that. but worse. because... there are no drugs for us to use.

i still don't have my car back and i'm upset because my father's irresponsibility in maintaining his vehicle leads to me losing mine. i just want my fucking stuff back. i mean, say mom loses her... glasses. (she doesn't wear glasses, but let's say she does.) mom couldn't really see without glasses, and she has several pairs at her disposal, but she takes my glasses right off my head when i'm reading. she could have fixed her glasses, but she doesn't. when she has the oppertunity to, she does something lame instead and her glasses never get fixed, so i probably never see mine again.

if i am not responsible for the behaviour of others, why do i always get screwed when they fuck up?

today at work i had another religion-related epiphany. stuff is marketed to christians-- easter bunny shit, chocolate crosses-- and they just eat it up. the jewish have hanukkah chocolate coins, but that's related to dreidel, which is a long-standing cultural tradition. it has something to do with their holiday and their heritage. but... chocolate bunnies? eggs that came from a bunny? no sense.

la la la. save me from myself.

2002-03-04T22:28:00.000-05:00

yeah. that was a typical conversation with eric.

2002-03-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

CueThePenguin: aw
CueThePenguin: ali has a valentine
nutt26: yeah... too bad it's a fucking tank with power steering

2002-03-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

nutt26: hey strauss... tell me more about the reasoning behind your douche theft?
CueThePenguin: hm
CueThePenguin: saturday morning i was going through the supply room
CueThePenguin: and i found this multicolored bag that looked old and horrible
CueThePenguin: i thought it was trash, and then it said douche powder on it
nutt26: so you stole it?
CueThePenguin: and i was like "you have GOT to be kidding me"
CueThePenguin: and i turned it over and it said "douche bag" and i thought it was hysterical
CueThePenguin: partly because i had no idea there was such thing as a douche bag
CueThePenguin: (i thought it was a euphemism for something else)
CueThePenguin: so yeah i took one of those personal bags that patients get
CueThePenguin: and put all my stuff in there and the douche bag
CueThePenguin: and walked out heh
nutt26: oh. you're so naive.
CueThePenguin: (ive stolen a box of gloves from the place before for anatomy class.. i signed it out though.. not really stealing)
CueThePenguin: am i now?
CueThePenguin: a lot of people didnt know what a douche bag was
nutt26: well... yeah.
nutt26: a lot of people didn't?
CueThePenguin: its not like people tell you these things
nutt26: mostly guys i'd assume
CueThePenguin: mostly yes
CueThePenguin: ryan told me right after he found out
nutt26: you guys had to ask!
nutt26: ha!
nutt26: please!
CueThePenguin: heh
CueThePenguin: actually ryan looked it up and then told me
CueThePenguin: neither of us asked
CueThePenguin: what the hell.. this is not like something we were supposed to know
CueThePenguin: heh
CueThePenguin: it was pretty hilarious though, even when people knew what it was
nutt26: well, we've gotta know about jockstraps
CueThePenguin: yeah but who goes around telling people they are a jock strap
nutt26: i say it a lot.
CueThePenguin: douche bag is like a classic label
nutt26: yeah it is.
CueThePenguin: jock strap.. everyone kinda knows what it is
CueThePenguin: ryan thought douchebag meant scrotum
nutt26: haaa!
CueThePenguin: i kinda liked his theory there
CueThePenguin: til i found out what it was
CueThePenguin: so yeah
CueThePenguin: anyways
nutt26: whooo! so what's this i'm hearing about a freshman "flash" dancing?
nutt26: as in flashing people as she danced?
CueThePenguin: i dunno
CueThePenguin: what did you hear?
nutt26: that there was a freshman who was flashing people while she danced
CueThePenguin: what dance
nutt26: the dance everyone was drunk at
CueThePenguin: you are kidding
CueThePenguin: everyone would have known about that by now
nutt26: no... some things are kept under wraps pretty nicely around this joint
CueThePenguin: hm
CueThePenguin: did you hear there is a dance mar 22 now
nutt26: there is?
nutt26: quelle lame.
nutt26: dances suck
nutt26: they suck suck suck
CueThePenguin: lol
CueThePenguin: why
nutt26: i dunno. they just do
CueThePenguin: they arent that bad
nutt26: dude, two words.
CueThePenguin: they suck for being dances
nutt26: DJ Don.
CueThePenguin: heh
CueThePenguin: rrright
nutt26: i miss my car
nutt26: Lou... oh lou.
CueThePenguin: in the shop?
nutt26: did i tell you about the door incident?
CueThePenguin: yeah
nutt26: no. dad has custody of him.
CueThePenguin: ahh
CueThePenguin: poor lou
nutt26: because the surrogate saab died.
nutt26: i know. my father still drives like he's driving an ambulance
nutt26: lou is no ambulance.
nutt26: he's a nice quiet happycar.
CueThePenguin: heh
nutt26: yeah
nutt26: i love lou, lou loves me...

2002-03-03T23:47:00.000-05:00

A REMINDER
If I get old
I will not give in
But if I do
Remind me of this

Remind me that
Once I was free
Once I was cool
Once I was me

And if I sat down and crossed my arms
Hold me until this song

Knock me out
Smash out my brains
If I take the chair and start to talk shit

If I get old remind me of this
That night we kissed and I really meant it
Whatever happens if we're still speaking
Pick up the phone
Play me this song

2002-03-03T23:46:00.000-05:00

shit. try that again. MELATONIN
Don't forget that you are our son
Now go back to bed

We just know that you are ours
You won't cry too hard

Death to all who stand in your way
Wave my arms you

2002-03-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

MELATONIN

2002-03-03T23:42:00.000-05:00

This is the place
Sit down, you're safe now
You've been stuck in a lift
We've been trying to reach you, Thom

This is the place
It won't hurt, it will not hurt

A smell of recognition
A face you barely loved
Empty all your pockets
'Cause it's time to go home

This is the place
Remembering all the things you always see

You've been stuck in a lift
In the belly of a whale
At the bottom of the ocean

A smell of recognition
A face you barely loved
Empty all your pockets
'Cause it's time to go home

Today is the first day of the rest of your days
So lighten up, squirt

2002-03-03T22:17:00.000-05:00

cynic84: foreign curses are such fun. next time use feutre (foot-ruh) it's fuck in french.
nutt26: i used that yesterday... except i think i pronounced it the way you would pronounce "marker" ..."oh, marker!"
cynic84: marker you! marker all of you! go back to your markering worthless lives!

2002-03-03T00:09:00.000-05:00

by the way, my whole life is falling apart, thanks for asking.

2002-03-03T00:08:00.000-05:00

worst elevator music? "inna gatta di vida" (i think that's it).

2002-03-01T00:46:00.000-05:00

best song ever? radiohead's cover of "nobody does it better". worst cover ever? the cure's cover of "creep". eew.

2002-02-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

mine eyes have seen the glory of "eye cancer", an easily transmittable condition marked by red lower lids and swelling. my eyes are red and swollen. strange coincidence, so are dan's. i think he's given me this eye cancer. quite innocently, might i add. dan likes to touch stuff on my dashboard because there's so much of it. dan has itchy eyes, rubs them, touches my sunglasses, which then go on my eyes. daaaamn.

2002-02-28T23:03:00.000-05:00

life is interesting.

2002-02-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

new template. joy.

2002-02-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

right now i feel weird because i went back to all the old places with new people and it was slightly unnerving.

new people knows you better than old people. when you get spacy and feel like odd, new people asks if you're ok just to hear you lie because they know you aren't. you show new people the places you used to go with old people and tell them why your knees are knocking, the rock old people tripped over when they were drunk off their asses. now new people knows all the secrets old people and you used to share because it makes you feel like you're part of something again, like someone really cares. when you look so far to the corner of your eye that your eyes start knocking in your head, you sometimes catch old people staring at you and they know you're looking so they snap their head back as quick as possible. new people takes pictures of you when you're driving and you hope and pray that new people doesn't have the same intentions as some of the old people who you may have woken up half-naked under, or whose bed you may have quite innocently lost your keys in. (that oldpeople didn't put moves on you until later. eventually what transpired between you two turned him back to drugs, you back to drugs, and eventually you went through a violent distancing and haven't spoken in three months.)

new people took me to a comic book store. the smell made me nauseous and so did the people. they all looked at me funny because i had breasts. yes they're real. no you can't touch them.

i'm slightly nervous about newpeople. i don't want dan to turn out to be chris.

oops, gave that one away.

2002-02-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

i gave blood today and it was really cool. afterwards i drank some water and went to the mall, then i went to the library. and then i came home. and then i went to work. (this post is for john who thinks these sorts of things are boring. god bless john.)

2002-02-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

my mom bought a new computer. i can't say i like it yet because i'm not intimate enough with its inner workings.
i'm having an ed norton withdrawl fit. i saw the last 15 minutes of "primal fear" where he plays a crazed hillbilly and it made me want to see him again. lindsay has the dvd.

2002-02-22T21:26:00.000-05:00

nutt26 (10:25 PM):we should become hookers.
nutt26 (10:26 PM):here, put this catfish on that hook! hey, put that lacrosse stick on that hook!
cynic84 (10:26 PM):put that hook on your hand! now you're a pirate! +

2002-02-19T11:57:00.000-05:00

how do i handle archives? ducky, can you help me? because... you're a goddess?

2002-02-19T11:50:00.000-05:00

ah, my children, a quiz for youse!
how well do you know ali?

2002-02-14T14:55:00.000-05:00

today is totally quiz day.

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

and then...

Take the "Which
Nationality Are You?" test at OuchCryManson

Made by: <LJ User=gothichic666> and <LJ
User=ecology>

and....
Which John Cusack Are You?

and...

and...

Take the Which Powerpuff Girl Are You? Test.

2002-02-14T00:03:00.000-05:00

http://www.boomspeed.com/hippieana2/unique.gif">
What is YOUR Highschool label?

i know it's true. i mean, i drive a saab, make my own clothes, smoke herbal cigarettes, don't sleep, i'm buddhist, i like strange things. i'm not like anyone else.

2002-02-13T23:44:00.000-05:00

this post is for the ailing lindsay.
lindsay... my sister ate your chocolates and i'm out of money. but please understand that if i could, i'd buy you all the chocolate in the world because you deserve it. you are the best person i know. you are constantly kind and nonjudgemental. you're a beautiful special person and an excellent friend. you deserve all the good things in life because you are just you, and that's enough. i hope that when you read this it makes you cry happy because you know it's true. i love you for who you are and i hope you never change.
you're beyond petty high school shit in a manner i only wish i could be. i admire you in all your ways. and i hope i never lose your friendship.
now i'm gonna dry my eyes. ohhh.... boy. i hope i see lindsay tomorrow. i want to hug her.

2002-02-13T23:21:00.000-05:00

http://www.zenhex.com/tests/psych/depr.jpg" border="0" height="120" width="300">

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

2002-02-13T22:34:00.000-05:00

best game ever? elevator survivor.

2002-02-08T17:08:00.000-05:00

Another day, another quiz, another problem...

my fortune cookie quiz went like this:

*Take This Test!*

it's true. i can't see it but it's true.

my mom and i have been fighting a lot lately. this is probably because i spend so much time with dan. well, mom, i was spending the same amount of time with all my other friends, and nobody cared. we fight about me sleeping. we fight about everything and everything.

she skipped my coffeehouse last night and that made me upset because i read something that was kind of about what i'm going through and i just don't fucking get it. naptime.

2002-02-07T19:17:00.000-05:00

Which British Band Are You?

wow. i wonder if everyone is radiohead. ducky is.

p.s. congrats to ducky for her miraculous recovery.

2002-02-06T17:28:00.000-05:00

i have finally reached the point where i don't give a flying fuck anymore. this is a breakthrough.

2002-02-03T23:57:00.000-05:00

i deserve being giddy and girlish.

2002-02-03T23:56:00.000-05:00

fight club is still the best movie ever. i want edward norton. i am being giddy and girlish.

2002-01-31T23:35:00.000-05:00

er was awesome. everyone must see "fight club". i hate snow and school. i am robert smith from the cure.

Black eyeliner and smudged red lipstick, moody and often depressed, you're HIM, the one and only Robert Smith, heart and soul of the band. What else could you ask for?

What Cure member are you?

Test by Ligeia

2002-01-31T15:03:00.000-05:00

2002-01-28T14:19:00.000-05:00

i currently hate everyone and everything.

2002-01-27T18:25:00.000-05:00

current music: "true love waits"- radiohead

last night i had an epiphany.

to this song, for that matter. it's all i will listen to now.

i realized that even though i'm down on my luck, there's always something else coming, something good.

for example, chris.

and now i spend a lot of time with dan, or eric, or someone. just anyone. i think i'm getting over him.

that's not to say i don't think about him.

or what he's done to me.

or what will eventually happen to him. or me. or all of us.

i thought about the past, and it made me sad.

i thought about the future, and it made me sadder.

i thought about the present and i felt OK.

i just want to live. i don't want to pick up my clothes. i don't want to drive my sister to soccer. i don't want to sleep with my ex-best friend (anymore and it wasn't my idea in the first place). i just want to wake up in the morning, have my feet hit the floor, and eventually be able to say to myself, "i'm glad i slept. today will be swell."

because i can't do that now.

this sucks. my family i sgrating on me. kill me now. kill me now. kill me now. kill me now.

2002-01-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

dave told me to read a book. so i did. everyone must read "no more prisons" by william upski wimsatt. after reading the book i've written 15 political essays.

2002-01-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

blah. blah. blah. blogger won't let me alter my template. blah. blah. blah.

2002-01-23T16:41:00.000-05:00

while rifling through my email outbox on suckmail -- i mean hotmail-- i came across this. it's a survey from early freshman year. next to the things that have changed, i've put asterisks.
> TELL US ABOUT YOU:
> > > > >What time is it: 7:15
> > > > >Name as it appears in your birth certificate:
> > > Alison Marie Beaton
>Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 15, but they set the cake aflame
>The date that you regularly blow them out (birthday): October 9
>Pets: the kitty, the doggie, and the fishie Stephen, and the bunny.
>Height: 5'0
>Eye Color: bloodshot grey
>Piercing: the ears, several times. Actually, nine.
>Scars: no comment. Damn razor, cutting my arm again!
>Hometown: Winchester, MA
> > > > HAVE YOU EVER:
>..Had the drink Calypso Breeze: Calypso what?
>..Been toilet~papered: yeah, I was totally shattered.
>..Loved somebody so much it makes you cry: makes me cry because he told me to go fuck myself... kidding.

> > > > THIS OR THAT: How about not?...
>Croutons or Bacon Bits: neither, don't do salad
>2 doors or 4 doors(on a car): I like having 3. But 4 is even better.
>Mr.Pib or Dr.Pepper: Mr. Pibb- it's two B's... and Ducky- it's a southern thing. Had to go all the way to the Carolinas. Brought home a 24-pack.
>Coffee or Ice~Cream: Starbucks makes ice cream.
>Blanket or Stuffed Animal: neither
>Shampoo or Conditioner: can't live without either
>Bridges or Tunnels: tunnels. especially if it's not a bridge over water.
>One pillow or two: seven
>Adidas or Nike: neither
>Nike or Reebox: see above

> > > > WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO
> > > MIND):
> >Rubber gloves: colonoscopy
> >Rock: window
> >Green: how long's that been in the fridge?
> >Wet: no comment
> >Cry: also no comment
> >Peanut Butter: fun
> >Hay: fever
> >Paper: choke
> > > > WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE:
>..Salad Dressing: why do you always think I like salad?
> >..Color of Socks: white
>..Number: 34, 41, 53. 84
>..Memory: No comment.
>..Toothpaste: Toms of Maine
>..Food: Phish Food
>..Perfume/Cologne: Elizabeth Taylor's Recovery- also, Relapse
>..Song at the moment: "Everything old is New Again" by Barenaked Ladies
>..Tv show: LLS. Or South Park- and I like "Turn Ben Stein On".
>..Least Favorite Word: pants
>..Funniest Phrase: People can't drink without the fish!
>..Toothbrush: the one i use.
>..Subject in School: remedial napping 101
>..Color: blue.
>..Restaurant: The Mull, Nova Scotia
>..Least Favorite Subject: anything requiring thinking.
>..Non-alcoholic drink: damn. Swill. Gotta love those pull-tabs.
>..Sport to Watch: competitive... something.
>..Shape of Ice: crushed flakes
>..Love Song: "Ordinary World"- Duran Duran
>..Country Song: My Dog Ran Away with my Wife and my Ass
>..Sesame Street Character: Oscar the Grouch
> Are u going out w/anyone: Don't make me laugh.
>When was your last hospital check-in: Nov. 17- gotta love the taste of lithium in the AM
>Who would really name their kid Chiquita Banana: someone who needs lots of help
> Do You Drink: can't, I'll croak out my kidneys
>How many times did you fail your Permit and/or Drivers License Test: cant do it in Mass till you're 16.
> What do you think of Ouija boards: Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Mmm, soup.
> Where do you see your self in 10 years: dead?
> Have you ever been convicted of a crime: I had to do it! I cut up the torso and stuck the arms in the bag! I tried to burn it, but it wouldn't burn! Oh, the smell of it... no.
> Make 3 Wishes: ok. i just did.
> Which single store would you choose to max your credit card: Target. Just so I could finally use a carriage and take it on that nifty escalator thing.

> What type of car you drive now: can't drive.
> What do you do when bored: twiddle thumbs
> Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest awayfrom you: George, in Greece
>Bedtime: don't sleep
> What time is it now: 7:34.

2002-01-22T15:52:00.000-05:00

depressed beyond depression. the battery in my wife audrey (my father's car) died and therefore all the electronics were reset. everything is back online except the radio, which is factory installed and you have to use a code to get it to work again. no music. must sing to myself while driving. sad. imagine me singing "faithless the wonder boy" or "tonight is the night i fell asleep at the wheel".... actually, imagine me singing at all. god save the queen.

2002-01-21T10:15:00.001-05:00

blogbot works! blogbot lives! it lives. joy.

2002-01-21T10:15:00.000-05:00

martha stewart has destroyed k-mart. down with martha.

2002-01-21T10:10:00.000-05:00

current music: "punchdrunk lovesick singalong"- radiohead

i went out and bought "my iron lung" yesterday and i don't know if i likey it. strange that i've put all this time and money into a band i only began listening to because dave burkus told me to. and now i've got a book full of their albums. gee willikers, i want me some food. mmm food.

happy martin luther king jr. day, children.

by the way, ducky, when the patriots win the superbowl and destroy every football team in the US and Canada, they're heading toward GF to get you. mwaaah haah haah. actually that's not funny, but wait, it is. the patriots, punting your cat (you don't have one), breaking your sattelite dish, jumping on your bed, doing ballet in your kitchen. ha-ha.

2002-01-20T12:21:00.000-05:00

current music: "true love waits"- radiohead

this song rocks! it makes me all woozy like.
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave, don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love wins
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave, don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kiss and smile

Just lonely, lonely..
Just lonely, lonely..

good. now that that's out of my system... let's talk about other stuff...

i just heard something really bad on the scanner about someone i know... something's really wrong with either them or their mom... i'm really nervous now... i better go.

2002-01-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

if i were any radiohead album, i'd be...

Take the Which Radiohead Album are you? Quiz.

because, according to the site:
Although you may sound like a horrible affliction, you're actually one of the greatest albums of all time. EVERYONE loves you. You have an uncomplicated, charming, and youthful personality, but upon close investigation, there is much to your character. You know most everything, and you're likely to have done well on the SAT's. You perceive the world around you very well, and your thoughts have only been mildly corrupted by modern-day society. Still, there's a hidden side to you that you rarely reveal.

that's so interesting. because it's all somehow true and connected to my sick sad life.

2002-01-15T15:31:00.000-05:00

whahoo!

You will marry CHRISTIAN (played by Ewan McGregor) from Moulin Rouge, live in a sparkling elephant at the Moulin Rouge, and spend your days righting wrongs and singing songs because all you need is love (and it helps that it's Ewan McGregregor you're living with ^_^).

What's YOUR M * A * S * H future?

2002-01-15T15:11:00.000-05:00

college in scotland. what do you think?

2002-01-10T12:20:00.000-05:00

current music: seeing as i'm in a library, there's no music. but i always have stuff in my head. so... "load me up"- mgb

for some odd reason my license isn't suspended. yet. but i always have till this afternoon to check my mail and find out that i've been driving with a suspended license for, oh, just about forever. i have a bad feeling that i'll be pulled over or have car trouble or something and get caught and arrested or something.... eh. paranoia rocks.

ducky-- no visit to ali-land? please come! please??

that's it. no britrock. almost bought a bumper sticker of the british flag, but nixed the idea because dave would have something to say about it.

2002-01-05T12:13:00.000-05:00

current music: something that isn't britrock.

yesterday i saw dave and he wondered aloud why i'd gone so britrock. my response: "i've always been britrock. sort of." i suppose a single beatles bumper sticker and about 20 radiohead CDs sitting in the backseat all of a sudden make you britrock? the first thing he says is "why is this state so cold!" and i couldn't help but think, "because you're a moron."

speaking of morons, chris is continually following me around. fucking moron.

2002-01-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

Strawberry: 0/100 Pear: 60/100 Banana: 20/100 Tomato: 55/100 Lemon: 0/100

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by webkin and aaronr!

quiz day. now i'm a pear. funny how things change.

2002-01-02T15:06:00.000-05:00

current music: dan droning about something

i'm ready to jump out a window. happy new year. so much for being more zen. i'm glad chris wasn't here today. if he were, i'd be really mad. and maybe have something to say.

2002-01-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

that's me.

2001-12-31T19:16:00.000-05:00

current music: "faithless the wonder boy"- radiohead

he can't put the needle in, he can't put the needle in. we get it.

the next few hours will leave me extremely depressed. the year was pretty screwy. what with gerry, and september 11, and the ups and downs and downs and everything that's happened. it's kinda sad. this year i was gonna spend new year's eve with chris having a nice time with my closest friend and i fucked that up. i think gerry would have had a nice evening with the people he loved, but that can't happen. any one of the thousands of people in the trade center and the pentagon would be with people they loved, and that isn't going to happen either. and this year was just so hard, and maybe next year will be better.
current music: "long december"- counting crows
A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should

2001-12-24T13:32:00.000-05:00

current music: "bong song"
this song is funny. it makes me think about drugs. maybe it's not that funny.

current music: "creep"- radiohead who else would do this song. my sister burned it on a CD. i love this song though. it makes me think about assholes. but it makes me think of their side of the story. you can tell that i'm kind of feeling... bad. i never thought i'd have to be saying this but i miss having chris and harley around. even if they do drugs. even if they make fun of my music. harley was cool and chris was such a part of my life, and i threw them right away. well, now who's the weirdo?
went christmas shopping. finished. glory.
filled my car with gas. $1.21 for a gallon. down the road, big gas sale. 79 cents a gallon. would have cost me much less. kicking myself in the ass.

and they heard me exclaim as i drove out of sight, merry christmas to all, go fuck yourselves tonight!